In the Village, Susie could be a bear when she wanted to be; there were people down there who looked worse than bears. But when Susie came uptown, she had to look normal; they wouldn"t have let her in the Stanhope, as a bear, and on Central Park South some policeman would have shot her - thinking her an escapee from the Central Park Zoo. New York was not Vienna, and although Susie was trying to break herself of the bear habit, she could revert to bearishness in the Village and n.o.body would even notice. She lived with two other women in a place that had only a toilet and a cold-water sink; Susie came uptown to bathe - preferring Lilly"s suite at the Stanhope to the opulent bathroom at Frank"s place at 222 Central Park South; I think Susie liked liked the potential danger of the upward-flushing toilets. the potential danger of the upward-flushing toilets.

She was trying to be an actress in those days. The two women she shared the terrible apartment with were both members of something called the West Village Workshop. It was an actors" workshop; it was a place that trained street clowns. Frank said of it that if the King of Mice had still been alive, he could have gotten tenure at the West Village Workshop. But I thought that if there"d been such a thing as the West Village Workshop in Vienna, maybe the King of Mice would still be alive. There ought to be someplace where you can study street dancing, animal imitations, pantomime, unicycling, scream therapy, and acts of degradation that are only acts. Susie said the West Village Workshop was basically teaching her how to be as confident as a bear without without the bear suit. It was a slow process, she admitted, and in the meantime - hedging her bets - she"d had the bear suit refashioned by an animal costume expert in the Village. the bear suit. It was a slow process, she admitted, and in the meantime - hedging her bets - she"d had the bear suit refashioned by an animal costume expert in the Village.

"You ought to see the suit now," Susie was always telling me. "I mean, if you think I looked like a real bear before, man ... you haven"t seen the whole story!"

"It is is rather remarkable," Frank had told me. "There"s even a rather remarkable," Frank had told me. "There"s even a wet wet look about the mouth, and the eyes are uncanny. And the look about the mouth, and the eyes are uncanny. And the fangs fangs," Frank said - always an admirer of costumes and uniforms, Frank would say, "The fangs are great."

"But we all want Susie to get over over being a bear," Franny said. being a bear," Franny said.

"We want the bear in her bear in her to emerge," Lilly would say, and we"d all grunt and make other disgusting sounds together. to emerge," Lilly would say, and we"d all grunt and make other disgusting sounds together.

But when I told Susie that Franny and I had saved each other from each other - only to meet up again with Chipper Dove - Susie was all business; Susie was that ever-essential friend, the one who"ll be a bear for you when the going gets rough.

"You at Frank"s?" Susie asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Hang in there, kid," Susie said. "I"ll be right up. Warn the doorman."

"Should I warn him about a bear or about you you, Susie?" I asked her.

"One day, honey," Susie said, "the real real me is going to surprise you." One day, it was true, Susie me is going to surprise you." One day, it was true, Susie would would surprise me. But before Susie got up to 222 Central Park South, Lilly called me on one of Frank"s six phones. surprise me. But before Susie got up to 222 Central Park South, Lilly called me on one of Frank"s six phones.

"What"s wrong?" I said. It was nearly two in the morning.

"Chipper Dove," Lilly whispered, in a frightened little voice. "He called here! He asked for Franny!" That son of a b.i.t.c.h! I thought. He"d call up a girl he"d raped when she was sleeping sleeping! He must have wanted to be sure that Franny really did did live at the Stanhope. So now he knew. live at the Stanhope. So now he knew.

"What did Franny say to him?" I asked Lilly.

"Franny wouldn"t talk to him," Lilly said. "Franny couldn"t couldn"t talk to him," Lilly said. "I mean, she couldn"t get her mouth to work - no words came out," Lilly said. "I told him Franny was out and he said he"d call again. You better come over here," Lilly said. "Franny is talk to him," Lilly said. "I mean, she couldn"t get her mouth to work - no words came out," Lilly said. "I told him Franny was out and he said he"d call again. You better come over here," Lilly said. "Franny is afraid afraid," Lilly whispered. "I"ve never seen Franny afraid," Lilly added. "She won"t even go back to bed, she just keeps looking out the window. I think she thinks he"s going to rape her again again," Lilly whispered.

I went to Frank"s room and woke him up. He sat bolt upright in bed, throwing back the covers and flinging the dressmaker"s dummy away from him. "Dove," was all I had whispered to him. "Chipper Dove," was all I had to say, and Frank woke up as if he were still banging the cymbals. We left a message for Father in the tape recorder next to his bed. We just said we were at the Stanhope.

Father was pretty good on the telephone; he counted the holes. Even so, Father still got a lot of wrong numbers, and they made him so cross that he invariably shouted to the persons on the receiving end of his calls - as if the wrong numbers had been their their fault. "Jesus G.o.d!" he would holler. "You"re the wrong number!" Thus, in this small way, did my father and his Louisville Slugger terrorize a portion of New York. fault. "Jesus G.o.d!" he would holler. "You"re the wrong number!" Thus, in this small way, did my father and his Louisville Slugger terrorize a portion of New York.

Frank and I met Susie at the door of 222 Central Park South. We had to run up to Columbus Circle to find a cab. Susie was not wearing the bear suit. She was wearing old pants and a sweater over a sweater over a sweater.

"Of course course she"s afraid," Susie told Frank and me as we sped uptown. "But she"s got to deal with it. she"s afraid," Susie told Frank and me as we sped uptown. "But she"s got to deal with it. Fear Fear is one of the first phases, my dears. If she can get over the f.u.c.king fear, then she gets to the is one of the first phases, my dears. If she can get over the f.u.c.king fear, then she gets to the anger anger. And once she"s angry," Susie said, "then she"s home free. Just look at me," she declared, and Frank and I looked at her and didn"t say anything. We were over our heads, and we knew it.

Franny was sitting wrapped in a blanket, her chair drawn up to the heat register; she peered out the window. The Metropolitan Museum stood in the pre-Christmas cold like a castle abandoned by its king and queen - so abandoned it looked cursed; even the peasants were staying away.

"How can I even go out out?" Franny whispered to me. "He could be anywhere anywhere out there," she said. "I don"t out there," she said. "I don"t dare dare go out," she repeated. go out," she repeated.

"Franny, Franny," I said, "he won"t touch you again."

"Don"t tell tell her things," Susie said to me. "That"s not the way. Don"t tell - her things," Susie said to me. "That"s not the way. Don"t tell - ask ask her things. Ask her what she wants to do?" her things. Ask her what she wants to do?"

"What do you want to do, Franny?" Lilly asked her.

"We"ll do anything you want us to do, Franny," Frank said.

"Think about what you want want to have happen," Susie the bear said to Franny. to have happen," Susie the bear said to Franny.

Franny shivered, her teeth chattered. It was stifling in the suite, but Franny was bone-cold.

"I want to kill him," Franny said, softly.

"Don"t say anything," Susie the bear whispered in my ear. There was nothing I could say, anyway. We sat in the room with Franny looking out the window for about an hour. Susie gave her a back rub to try to warm her up. Franny wanted to whisper something to me, so I bent down to her. "Are you still sore?" she whispered. She wore a little smile and I smiled back at her and nodded. "Me too," she said, and smiled; but she looked right back out the window again, and she said, "I wish he were dead." In a little while she repeated, "I simply can"t go out, I can take all my meals here - but one of you will have to be here, all the time." We a.s.sured her we would be. "Kill him," she repeated, just as it was getting light above the park. "He could be anywhere anywhere out there," she said, watching the light grow. "The b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" she screamed, suddenly. "I want to kill him!" out there," she said, watching the light grow. "The b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" she screamed, suddenly. "I want to kill him!"

We took turns staying with her for a couple of days. We made up a story for Father - that Franny had the flu and she was staying in bed so that she"d be all better in time for Christmas. It was a reasonable lie, we thought. Franny had lied to Father about Chipper Dove before; she"d told him she was just "beaten up."

We didn"t even have a plan - if Chipper Dove did did call back, we had no idea how Franny even wanted to deal with it. call back, we had no idea how Franny even wanted to deal with it.

"Kill him," she kept saying.

And Frank, waiting in the lobby with me for the Stanhope elevator to arrive, said, "Maybe we should should kill him. That would take care of it." kill him. That would take care of it."

Franny was our leader; when she was lost, we were all lost. We needed her judgment before we could settle on a plan.

"Maybe he"ll never call again," Lilly said.

"You"re a writer, Lilly," Frank said. "You ought to know better. Of course he"ll call." Frank was making one of his anti-world statements - expressing one of his perverse theories that precisely what you don"t want want to happen to happen will will. As a writer, Lilly would one day share Frank"s Weltanschauung Weltanschauung.

But Frank was right about Chipper Dove; he called. It was Frank who answered the phone. Frank was very uncool about it; when he heard Chipper Dove"s ice-blue voice, he twitched - he underwent such a spasm on the couch that he batted the standing lamp beside him, he sent the lampshade spinning, and Franny knew right away who it was. She started screaming, she ran out of the living room of the suite and into Lilly"s bedroom (it was the closest hiding place), and Susie the bear and I had to run after her and hold her on Lilly"s bed, trying to calm her down.

"Uh, no, she"s not in right now," Frank said to Chipper Dove. "Want to leave a number where she can call you?" Chipper Dove gave Frank his number - two numbers, actually: his number at home, and his number at work. The thought that he had a job seemed to make Franny suddenly sane again.

"What does he do do?" she asked Frank.

"Well," Frank said. "He just said he was with his uncle"s firm. You know how everyone gets their rocks off the way they say "firm" - the f.u.c.king firm firm, whatever a firm firm is," Frank said. is," Frank said.

"It could be anything, Franny," I said. "A law firm, a business firm."

"Maybe it"s a rape firm," Lilly said, and we had our first good sign in days. Franny laughed.

"Atta girl, Franny," Frank encouraged her.

"That super s.h.i.t of a human being!" Franny yelled.

"Atta girl, Franny," said Susie the bear.

"That f.u.c.k-off in his uncle"s f.u.c.king firm firm!" Franny said.

"That"s right," I said.

And finally Franny said, "I don"t care care about killing him. I just want to scare him," she said. "I want him to be about killing him. I just want to scare him," she said. "I want him to be frightened frightened," she said, shivering suddenly; she started crying. "He really scared scared me!" she cried. "I"m me!" she cried. "I"m still still afraid of him, for Christ"s sake," she said. "I want to scare the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I want to frighten him back!" Franny said. afraid of him, for Christ"s sake," she said. "I want to scare the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I want to frighten him back!" Franny said.

"Now you"re talking," said Susie the bear. "Now you"re dealing with it."

"Let"s rape him!" Frank said. "Who"d want to?" Lilly asked.

"I"d do it - for the cause cause," Susie said. "But even with me, I think he"d like it. Men are creeps that way," Susie said. "They could hate your guts but their c.o.c.ks c.o.c.ks will still like you." will still like you."

"We can"t can"t rape him," Franny said. So Franny was okay, I thought. She was our leader again. rape him," Franny said. So Franny was okay, I thought. She was our leader again.

"We can do anything we want," Frank argued - Frank the agent, Frank the arranger.

"Even if we could figure out a way to rape him," Susie said, "even if we could find the perfect rapist for him, I still say it wouldn"t be the same: the f.u.c.ker would find a way to enjoy enjoy himself." himself."

And then Lilly, the author, spoke up. Our little Lilly, the creator: she had the best imagination. "He wouldn"t enjoy himself if he thought a bear bear was raping him," Lilly said. was raping him," Lilly said.

"Sodomy!" cried Frank, gleefully, clapping his hands - like the cymbals he"d once used on Chipper Dove. "Sodomize the b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" Frank cried. the b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" Frank cried.

"Wait a f.u.c.king minute!" said Susie the bear. "Maybe he"ll he"ll think it"s a bear, but think it"s a bear, but I"ll I"ll still know it"s still know it"s him him. I mean, anything for the cause cause," Susie said, "anything for you you, honey," Susie told Franny, "but you"ll have to give me some time to think this over."

"But I don"t think you"d have to really do do it to him, Susie," Franny said. "I think you could scare him enough by it to him, Susie," Franny said. "I think you could scare him enough by almost almost doing it." doing it."

"You could pretend to be a bear in heat, Susie," Lilly said.

"A bear in heat!" howled Frank, with delight. "That"s it!" he shouted, wildly. "A bear in heat goes berserk! You could wolf the b.a.s.t.a.r.d"s b.a.l.l.s b.a.l.l.s right into your terrible bear"s right into your terrible bear"s mouth mouth!" Frank screamed at Susie. "Make him think he"s going to get blown blown by a bear! For the last time!" Frank added. by a bear! For the last time!" Frank added.

"I could take him right to the edge," Susie the bear said.

"But no further, Susie," Franny said. "I just want to frighten him."

"Scare him to death," Frank said, exhausted.

"Not quite," said Lilly. "Scare him almost almost to death." to death."

"A bear in heat: that"s brilliant, Lilly," I said.

"Just give me a day," Lilly said.

"For what, Lilly?" Susie asked.

"The script," Lilly said. "I"ll need a day to get the script right."

"I love you, Lilly," Franny said, and gave her a hug.

"You all have to be very good actors," Lilly said.

"I"m taking lessons lessons, for Christ"s sake!" Susie roared. "And I"ll bring my friends! Can you use two friends, Lilly?" Susie asked.

"If they"re women women, I can use them," Lilly said, frowning.

"Of course course they"re women!" Susie said, indignantly. they"re women!" Susie said, indignantly.

"Can I I be in it?" Frank asked. be in it?" Frank asked.

"You"re not a woman, Frank," I pointed out. "Maybe Lilly wants all women."

"Well, I"m a f.a.g," Frank said, huffily. "And Chipper Dove knows that."

"I can get a great costume for Frank," Susie told Lilly.

"You can?" Frank asked, excitedly. He hadn"t had a chance to dress up in a while.

"Let me work on it," Lilly said. Lilly the worker: she would always work a little too too hard. "It will have to be just perfect," Lilly said. "To be hard. "It will have to be just perfect," Lilly said. "To be believable believable," Lilly said, "we"ll have to get everything just right."

And Franny asked, suddenly, "Will I have to be in it, Lilly?" We could see she didn"t want to be, or she was frightened to be in it; she wanted it to happen - she thought she wanted to see see it, but she didn"t know if she could actually take a it, but she didn"t know if she could actually take a part part.

I held Franny"s hand. "You"ll have to call call him, Franny," I said, and she shivered again. him, Franny," I said, and she shivered again.

"You"ll just have to invite him here," Lilly said. "Once you get him here, you won"t have to say much. You won"t have to do do anything, I promise," Lilly said. "But it"s got to be you who calls him up." anything, I promise," Lilly said. "But it"s got to be you who calls him up."

Franny looked out the window again. I rubbed her shoulders so she wouldn"t be cold. Frank patted her hair; Frank had an irritating habit of showing his affection for human beings by patting them as if they were dogs.

"Come on, Franny," Frank said. "You can do it, Franny." can do it, Franny."

"You got got to, honey," Susie the bear told her softly, putting her friendly paw on Franny"s arm. to, honey," Susie the bear told her softly, putting her friendly paw on Franny"s arm.

"It"s now or never, Franny. Remember?" I whispered to her. "Let"s just get this over with," I told her, "and then we can all return to the rest of the business - to the rest of our lives."

"The rest of our lives," Franny said, pleased. "Okay," she whispered. "If Lilly can write the script," Franny said, "I can make the f.u.c.king phone call."

"Then all of you get out of here," Lilly said. "I"ve got to get to work," she said, worriedly.

We all went to Frank"s to have a party with Father. "Not a word about this to Father," Franny said. "Let"s keep Father out of it."

Father, I knew, was out of it most of the time. But when we arrived at Frank"s, Father had come to a small decision. From the myriad options in front of him, Father had failed to come up with what Iowa Bob would have called a game plan; he still didn"t know what he wanted to do do. Good fortune was an option unfamiliar to my father. But when we arrived at Frank"s in a party mood, Father had at least accomplished a mini-decision.

"I want one of those Seeing Eye dogs," Father said.

"But you"ve got us, Pop," Frank told him.

"There"s always someone around to take you anywhere you want," I told him.

"It"s not just that," Father said. "I need an animal around," he said.

"Oh boy," Franny said. "Why not hire Susie?"

"Susie"s got to stop being a bear," Father said. "We shouldn"t keep encouraging her." We all looked a little guilty, and Susie beamed - of course, Father couldn"t see our faces. "And besides," Father said, "New York is a terrible place for a bear. I"m afraid the bear days are over," he sighed. "But a good old Seeing Eye dog," Father said. "Well, you see," he said, almost a little embarra.s.sed to admit his loneliness, "it would be someone for me to talk talk to. I mean, you have your own lives - or you to. I mean, you have your own lives - or you will will have," Father said. "I"d just like a dog, really. The Seeing Eye part of the dog isn"t really what matters. I"d just like to have a nice dog. Can I?" he asked. have," Father said. "I"d just like a dog, really. The Seeing Eye part of the dog isn"t really what matters. I"d just like to have a nice dog. Can I?" he asked.

"Sure, Pop," Frank said.

Franny kissed Father and told him we"d get him a dog for Christmas.

"So soon?" Father asked. "I don"t think you can rush rush getting a Seeing Eye dog," Father said. "I mean, it would be a problem to get a badly trained one." getting a Seeing Eye dog," Father said. "I mean, it would be a problem to get a badly trained one."