LXXII (A III, 15)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 17 AUGUST

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

On the 13th of August I received four letters from you: one in which you urge me in a tone of reproof to be less weak; a second, in which you say that Cra.s.sus"s freedman has told you about my anxiety and leanness; a third, in which you describe the proceedings in the senate; a fourth on the subject of Varro"s a.s.surances to you as to the friendly feelings of Pompey.

To the first my answer is this: though I do grieve, yet I keep all my mental faculties, and it is precisely that which vexes me--I have no opportunity and no one with whom to employ so sound an intellect. For if you cannot find yourself separated from one individual like myself without sorrow, what do you think must be my case, who am deprived both of you and of everyone else? And if you, while still in possession of all your rights, miss me, to what an extent do you think those rights are missed by me? I will not enumerate the things of which I have been despoiled, not only because you are not ignorant of them, but also lest I should reopen my own sorrow. I only a.s.sert this, that never did anyone in an unofficial position possess such great advantages, or fall into such great miseries. Moreover, lapse of time not only does not soften this grief, it even enhances it. For other sorrows are softened by age, this one cannot but be daily increased both by my sense of present misery and the recollection of my past life. For it is not only property or friends that I miss, but myself. For what am I? But I will not allow myself either to wring your soul with my complaints, or to place my hands too often on my wounds. For as to your defence of those whom I said had been jealous of me, and among them Cato, I indeed think that he was so far removed from that crime, that I am above all things sorry that the pretended zeal of others had more influence with me than his honesty. As for your excuses for the others, they ought to be excused in my eyes if they are so in yours. But all this is an old story now.

Cra.s.sus"s freedman, I think, spoke without any real sincerity. In the senate you say that the debate was satisfactory. But what about Curio?

Hasn"t he read that speech? I can"t make out how it got into circulation! But Axius, in describing the proceedings of the same day, does not speak so highly of Curio.[332] But he may be omitting something; I know you have certainly not written anything except what actually occurred. Varro"s talk gives me some hope of Caesar, and would that Varro himself would throw himself into the cause! Which he certainly will do, both of his own accord and under pressure from you.

For myself, if fortune ever grants me the enjoyment of you all and of my country, I will at least take care that you shall, above all the rest of my friends, have cause to be glad: and I will so discharge all the duties of affection and friendship, which (to confess the truth) have not heretofore been conspicuous, that you shall regard me as restored to yourself as much as to my brother and my children. If I have in any way sinned in my conduct to you, or rather since I have done so, pardon me.

For I have sinned more grievously against myself. And I do not write this to you because I know you not to feel deeply for my misfortune: but certainly if it had been a matter of _obligation_ with you, and had always been so, to love me as much as you do and have done, you would never have allowed me to lack that judgment with which you are so well supplied,[333] nor would you have allowed me to be persuaded that the pa.s.sing of the bill for the "colleges" was to our advantage.[334] But you did nothing but weep over my sorrow, as though you were my second self. This was indeed a sign of your affection: but what might have been done, if I had earned it at your hands--the spending by you of days and nights in thinking out the course I ought to have pursued--that was omitted, owing to my own culpable imprudence, not yours. Now if, I don"t say you only, but if there had been anyone to urge me, when alarmed at Pompey"s ungenerous answer,[335] not to adopt that most degrading course--and you are the person that, above all others, could have done it--I should either have died honourably, or we should have been living to-day triumphant. In this you must forgive me. For I find much greater fault with myself, and only call you in question afterwards, as at once my second self and the sharer in my error; and, besides, if I am ever restored, our mistake will seem still less in my eyes, and to you at least I shall be endeared by your own kindness, since there is none on my side.[336] There is something in the suggestion you mentioned as having been made in your conversation with Culleo as to a _privilegium_,[337] but by far the better course is to have the law repealed. For if no one vetoes it, what course can be safer? But if anyone is found to prohibit its pa.s.sing, he will be equally able to veto a decree of the senate. Nor is there need for the repeal of anything else. For the previous law did not touch me: and if, on its publication, I had chosen to speak in its favour, or to ignore it, as it ought to have been ignored, it could not have done me any harm at all.[338] It was at this point first that my judgment failed to a.s.sist me, nay, even did me harm. Blind, blind, I say, was I in laying aside my senator"s toga, and in entreating the people; it was a fatal step to take before some attack had been begun upon me by name.[339] But I am harping on the past: it is, however, for the purpose of advising you, if any action is to be taken, not to touch that law, in which there are many provisions in the interests of the people. But it is foolish for me to be laying down rules as to what you are to do and how. I only wish that something may be done! And it is on that point that your letter displays much reserve: I presume, to prevent my being too much agitated by despair.

For what action do you see possible to be taken, or in what way? Through the senate? But you yourself told me that Clodius had fixed upon the doorpost of the senate-house a certain clause in the law, "that it might neither be put to the house nor mentioned."[340] How could Domitius,[341] therefore, say that he would bring it before the house?

How came it about also that Clodius held his tongue, when those you mention in your letter both spoke on the subject and demanded that a motion should be brought in? But if you go to the people--can it be carried except with the unanimous approval of the tribunes? What about my property? What about my house? Will it be possible to have it restored? Or, if that cannot, how can I be? Unless you see these difficulties on the way to be solved, what is the hope to which you invite me? But if, again, there is no hope, what sort of life is there for me? So I await at Thessalonica the gazette of the proceedings of the 1st of August, in accordance with which I shall decide whether to take refuge on your estate, in order at once to avoid seeing people I don"t want to see, to see you, according to your letter, and to be nearer at hand in case of any motion being made (and this I understand is in accordance with your view and that of my brother Quintus), or to depart for Cyzicus. Now, my dear Pomponius, since you imparted to me none of your wisdom in time to save me, either because you had made up your mind that I had judgment enough of my own, or that you owed me nothing beyond being by my side; and since, betrayed, beguiled, and hurried into a snare as I was, I neglected all my defences, abandoned and left Italy, which was everywhere on the _qui vive_ to defend me, and surrendered myself and mine into the hands of enemies while you looked on and said nothing, though, even if you were not my superior in mental power, you were at least in less of a fright: now, if you can, raise the fallen, and in that way a.s.sist me! But if every avenue is barred, take care that I know that also, and cease at length either to scold me or to offer your kindly-meant consolations. If I had meant to impeach your good faith, I should not have chosen your roof, of all others, to which to trust myself: it is my own folly that I blame for having thought that your love for me was exactly what I could have wished it to be:[342] for if that had been so, you would have displayed the same good faith, but greater circ.u.mspection; at least, you would have held me back when plunging headlong into ruin, and would not have had to encounter the labours which you are now enduring in saving the wrecks of my fortunes.

Wherefore do be careful to look into, examine thoroughly, and write fully everything that occurs, and resolve (as I am sure you do) that I shall be _some one_, since I cannot now be the man I was and the man I might have been; and lastly, believe that in this letter it lis not you, but myself that I have accused. If there are any people to whom you think that letters ought to be delivered in my name, pray compose them and see them delivered.

17 August.

[Footnote 332: Or, as Prof. Tyrrell suggests, "does not quote Curio to that effect." I think, however, that Cicero does not use _laudo_ in this sense except in connexion with _auctorem_, _auctores_, and even then generally with a subsense, at least, of commendation. The speech was composed to be delivered against the elder Curio and Clodius (see p.

155), but was never delivered. Its personal tone made it dangerous now.]

[Footnote 333: Cicero means that Atticus acted with the emotion spontaneously arising from his affection, but not with the caution which he would have shewn in doing a thing which he was under some obligation to do.]

[Footnote 334: The ancient "colleges" or "clubs" had been gradually increasing, and a decree of the senate in B.C. 64 had declared certain of them unlawful. But Clodius had overridden this decree by a _lex_ early in B.C. 58, and many new ones were formed, which he used for his political purposes (_pro Sest._ -- 55; Dio, x.x.xviii. 13).]

[Footnote 335: That he could do nothing against the wishes of Caesar (_Att._ x. 4, -- 3; cp. _in Pis._ -- 77). According to Plutarch, Pompey avoided a personal interview (_Cic._ 31).]

[Footnote 336: The kindness has been all on the side of Atticus, who will therefore be attached to the object of it--for the benefactor loves more than the benefited.]

[Footnote 337: A _privilegium_ was a law referring to a particular person, which was forbidden by the twelve tables, and if it was shewn to be unconst.i.tutional a decree of the senate could declare it void. But Cicero seems to think that such a proceeding of the senate would give a possibility of raising the question afresh.]

[Footnote 338: The first bill named no one, but enacted that "anyone who had put a citizen to death uncondemned should be forbidden fire and water." The second, "that M. Tullius be forbidden fire and water."

Cicero says that the former did not touch him, I suppose, because it could not be retrospective. This is in accordance with the view of Caesar, who approved of the law, but said that old sores ought not to be ripped up--?? ?? ?a? p??s??e?? ?p? pa?e??????s? t????t?? t??a ????

s?????fes?e? (Dio, x.x.xviii. 17).]

[Footnote 339: Because it shewed that he considered himself as coming under the new law.]

[Footnote 340: Letter LXVIII, p. 154.]

[Footnote 341: L. Domitius Ahen.o.barbus, who was a praetor this year.]

[Footnote 342: Though Cicero uses _tantum ... quantum_ here, he does not mean that Atticus failed to love him enough--that would have been too unreasonable. In a certain way he means that he loved him too much. He allowed his spontaneous feelings full vent, without acting with the cool wisdom which he would have shewn in fulfilling a duty or moral obligation. It is more fully expressed above. Still, it was a difficult thing to say, and he doesn"t succeed in making it very clear.]

LXXIII (A III, 16)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 19 AUGUST

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

My whole journey is in suspense till I receive letters from you all of the 1st of August. For if there turns out to be any hope, I am for Epirus: if not, I shall make for Cyzicus or some other place. Your letter is cheerful[343] indeed, but at the same time, the oftener I read it, the more it weakens the suggested ground for hope, so that it is easy to see that you are trying to minister at once to consolation and to truth. Accordingly, I beg you to write to me exactly what you know and exactly what you think.

19 August.

[Footnote 343: Reading _laetae_ for _lectae_.]

LXXIV (A III, 17)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 4 SEPTEMBER

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

News of my brother Quintus of an invariably gloomy nature reached me from the 3rd of June up to the 29th of August. On that day, however, Livineius, a freedman of Lucius Regulus, came to me by the direction of Regulus himself.[344] He announced that absolutely no notice whatever had been given of a prosecution, but that there had, nevertheless, been some talk about the son of C. Clodius.[345] He also brought me a letter from my brother Quintus. But next day came the slaves of Sestius, who brought me a letter from you not so positive in regard to this alarm as the conversation of Livineius had been. I am rendered very anxious in the midst of my own endless distress, and the more so as Appius[346] has the trial of the case. As to other circ.u.mstances mentioned in the same letter by you in connexion with my hopes, I understand that things are going less well than other people represent them. I, however, since we are now not far from the time at which the matter will be decided, will either go to your house or will still remain somewhere in this neighbourhood. My brother writes me word that his interests are being supported by you more than by anyone else. Why should I urge you to do what you are already doing? or offer you thanks which you do not expect?

I only pray that fortune may give us the opportunity of enjoying our mutual affection in security. I am always very anxious to get your letters, in which I beg you not to be afraid of your minuteness boring me, or your plain speaking giving me pain.

4 September.

[Footnote 344: L. Livineius Regulus, whom Cicero (_F._ xiii. 60) calls a very intimate friend, and says that his freedman Trypho stood his friend in the hour of need. He seems to have been condemned (in B.C. 56?) for something, but he afterwards served under Iulius Caesar (_B. Afr._ -- 9).

The freedman"s full name was L. Livineius Trypho.]

[Footnote 345: About Appius acting as prosecutor of Quintus. He was a nephew of P. Clodius. See Letter CCXXII.]

[Footnote 346: Appius Claudius Pulcher, brother of P. Clodius, was praetor-designate for B.C. 57, and had allotted to him the _quaestio de rebus repetundis_ (_pro Sest._ -- 78). He was consul B.C. 54.]

LXXV (A III, 18)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA (SEPTEMBER)