Yesterday
Chapter 19
昨天 by 風弄 Chapter 19
Yesterday by Feng Nong
I hear the birds singing in the early morning but I don"t open my eyes. I feel like I"m totally in a daze. I dimly see a few busy shadows before me. My whole body is completely devoid of strength. My throat is dry. I want to drink water but even after struggling, I can only move my lips but no words come out. What is going on? Could it be that YuJiang did something to me again while I was dreaming? Maybe he already poisoned me so that I would become mute, no longer able to say hurtful words to him. I continue in this delirious state for a while. A heavy ice-cold object is placed on my forehead. I guess that it"s an ice-pad. My arm feels a momentary little stab of pain, this feeling is very familiar to me, yet another injection. I only feel that I"ve become an experimental little white mouse, lying on the bed, unable to move, letting other people put on clothes for me.
"ShengSheng." I hear YuJiang cautiously call my name. He caresses my face, and moves his face closer to mine and rubs his face on mine a few times. He turns towards the person next to him and says:
"It"s still burning hot." The person beside him says:
"Mr. Rong, we must send him to the hospital. If we delay, I"m afraid it will be too late." Looks like it"s the Rong family private doctor. Have I fallen sick? No, I can still hear them speaking, I can still think. It"s just that there is a strange sound in my brain, I"m very tired. I"m unable to speak, unable to open my eyes properly. YuJiang"s voice carried an unexpected tinge of fear, I can almost hear his teeth chattering:
"Hospital? How did it get so critical?" It is as if he is defending himself: "I didn"t do anything, taking good care of his each and every need, how is it possible that he became so sick?" The doctor explains awkwardly:
"Mr. Rong, he .......... " YuJiang cuts short his words, and asks impatiently:
"You said that it might be too late if we delay, what does that mean? Don"t tell me ShengSheng will die?" My hand is suddenly gripped tightly by someone. "It can"t be! It can"t be!" YuJiang"s voice is getting further and further away, floating higher and higher. It gradually disappears .........
When I"m finally able to open my eyes properly, my eyes are filled with blooming bright whiteness. A place with such a vast expanse of white, except for a hospital room, where else can this be? I move slightly and immediately alert the person sitting by the bed.
"ShengSheng, you"re awake?" YuJiang"s voice could be described as overjoyed and surprised. He holds my hand firmly, afraid that my neck would suddenly snap and I would be dead and gone. I struggle to move my lips:
"I"m sick?" He nods his head nervously and looks at me, finally showing a relieved smile. Ai .......... I languidly let my eyelids fall. Why didn"t I just fall ill and never wake up, heaven and earth forever cut off from now on? I"m just so tired, towards this person in front of me. I can"t even send out a little shred of hatred, I can only feel an agitated numbness. "What kind of sickness?" YuJiang slowly lists them:
"Anemia, high fever, weak health, anxiety, short of breath due to a psychological attack ............. " I smile. How come even traditional medicine terms are used, wasn"t the Rong family doctor trained in western medicine? Don"t tell me he is trained in both chinese and western medicine. A rare talent indeed. "ShengSheng," YuJiang looks fixedly at my face asks: "What are you agonizing over? Look at you, having so many worries, I"m afraid that you would ruin your health." My memory suddenly floats far away. When was it that he had said this to me before: What are you agonizing over? That was when I was trying to help him obtain Rong enterprise, racking my brains, considering from all angles, day and night not at ease. I say:
"YuJiang, my worries, are caused by myself. You don"t need to concern yourself." He looks at me for a long time, turns his head away, and heaves a long sigh. I say: "YuJiang, do you know what I"m most afraid of?" He turns back his head in surprise, and waits for me to reveal the answer. "I"m afraid of your every word, your every action, your every expression." I tell him truthfully and earnestly: "I can"t tell when you are sincere, when you are fake."
"ShengSheng, I ........... " I coldly say:
"Therefore, I can only treat all of it as fake. YuJiang, this is called better to condemn unjustly than to tolerate." I gently take my hand away from his and smile: "So, you don"t need to put on this tender and gentle look in front of me anymore, with your long and short sighs. There is no need for all this." He looks at me intently, stretching out his hand to pull me into his arms. But when he grabs my shoulder firmly, his ice-cold eyes clashes with mine, and my whole body stiffens in a split second. He quickly stands up, and as if he just encountered something that agitated him greatly, he cast one more glance at me, before hurriedly leaving the room at lightning speed. Just like running away. Is this also an act? I ask myself. It is, it definitely is. I answer myself. It"s in his nature to deceive people.
So many people wish that they would never grow old, to never suffer illness, to not end up dying in a hospital bed after losing all hope. I only wish that heaven would take me away a little early, but who knew that I would get better and better day by day. YuJiang did not come for a few days. After seeing his pained and agonized expression, I only wish that I would never see him again, hoping that he would throw me into a dark corner and forever forget about me completely.
Not seeing him, I again start to get restless. Of course it"s not because I miss him, but ........... can it be that he is where I can"t see, plotting a way to destroy me completely. Me, who is always filled with suspicion. After coming across Rong YuJiang, I am even more suspecting that I can no longer bear it. While I was having endless suspicions, getting more and more frightened with each thought, I suddenly hear a knock at the door. Who can it be? If it is YuJiang, he never did knock, coming straight in and out, given our "closeness". If it is someone else, ZhouHeng is guarding outside, a capable imperial guard, who could be so daring and imperious as to knock at my door? I call out while guessing:
"Come in." Such a rare occasion, for me to have the power to make a decision on my own, how painfully pitiful. Until such a minuscule power, for the current me, can be so praiseworthy. The room door opens. My eye gleams: "Looks like it"s you? Come take a seat." I am not that familiar with this person but seeing him now, I actually feel a closeness floating up. Not because of who it is, but because he represents a clear freedom, and also his sincereness that I could never hope for from YuJiang. He ShuTing smiles saying:
"I"m sorry that it took so long for me to come see you."
"How did you know that I"m not well?" I ask him immediately, coming off a little rude. But this is a very important question, if it was YuJiang that told him, then this is yet another terrifying trap, of course I would have to respond with 120% alertness. It could also be ZhouHeng that is the mastermind. After all, He ShuTing"s namecard is in ZhouHeng"s hands. He ShuTing pats his hands together:
"At first I also didn"t know. I was looking at the medical record list today and saw your name. I was shocked on the spot. You are also not aware that I"m now a primary care physician at this hospital. Originally I wanted to volunteer myself as your a.s.signed doctor but the physician taking care of you is much much more famous than me. He is the head of this hospital, having him with you is of course a hundred times better than me." I say:
"So that"s how it is."
"So I could only abandon the role of a heroic savior and make a small small visit like this." He spread out his hands and shrug his shoulders saying: "I came here hurriedly, without even bringing a present, I hope you"re not mad."
"If you"re going to take me for a petty person, I will get mad." This person talking and laughing cheerfully, tactful and full of understanding, he should really become a psychologist. Probably because I have not interacted with normal people for such a long time, I welcome He ShuTing"s visit a 100%, raising my spirits considerably. Leaning on the headboard listening to him talk nonsense, relaxed and carefree, it"s as if we have simply arrived in a different world. This is what they call a common yet happy life. I smile listening to He ShuTing recount all sorts of interesting things that happened to him recently, right until the end. I say: "You should drink some water. I"m sorry, I need to ask you to pour it yourself, I am unable to take care of guests." He says:
"I"ll do it myself, I wouldn"t dare to cause trouble. Even though we are schoolmates, our family circ.u.mstances are very much different, of course our status are also different." He is also a young master from a rich family. I don"t understand why he said that and asks him:
"O? Why do you say this?"
"You are treated so preciously, bodyguards standing like a forest, if I were to say one word out of line, maybe causing your expression to sour, I would be beaten to a pulp." He ShuTing smiles teasingly: "How would I dare to trouble you to pour me a gla.s.s of water? That"s right, do you also want to drink a little, I"ll help you pour." I hold back my laughter and lightly nod my head. How would he know that those people outside won"t be able to deal with him. They are only specialized in dealing with me. "ShengSheng, you"re not happy? I went overboard." I force myself to squeeze out a smile. He ShuTing says: "The more money people have, the more worries they will have. You"re already a company president at such a young age, you"d easily be anxious."
"Why is it that the more money people have, the more worries they will have?" This question is but only a way of stalling for time, in order to avoid losing the atmosphere. I ask the question absentmindedly but He ShuTing answers earnestly.
"It"s because when people don"t have money, they will invariably think that what they wish for can wait until they have money to buy it, naturally they will go all out with an expectant heart. But once they have money, they only realize that a lot of things that they wish for cannot be bought with money, the money that they fought so hard to earn, in the end leaves them equally unsatisfied. Then they wouldn"t know even how to continue fighting on." He ShuTing makes an a.n.a.logy: "It"s just like being full of strength, yet full of uneasiness, and not being able to find a place to vent." "So," he concludes: "The more money, the more anxious." I nod:
"That"s right, having a lot of money is also not a good thing. Anxiety cannot be cured with money."
"When I came, I was stopped by your people outside .......... " I raise my head suddenly. He ShuTing waves his hand and says: "I"m not making a complaint. They asked me my reason for coming, and then made a phone call, and as if receiving permission, let me in to see you." There is no need to say, it"s definitely YuJiang that gave the OK. Talking about freedom, I can be compared to be on par with a prison convict. He ShuTing is therefore paying a visit to a prisoner. Looking at my unhappy expression, He ShuTing starts to be more careful with his words. "I just want to say, that there are people that are greatly concerned over you. Afraid of you getting hurt, also afraid of people hara.s.sing you when you are recuperating. ShengSheng, your situation is actually not too bad. You have money and you also have people taking great care of you, why are you still so depressed and unhappy?" My situation is not too bad? I sneer.
"ShuTing, I"m someone who is never content, you"re saying that I"m this type of person, right?"
"I didn"t mean that. But looking at your condition, I think that you are a little uncompromising." I stop speaking and silently look out the window. Such a comfortable chat, and yet it ends badly. He ShuTing also seems to feel that the atmosphere had suddenly gotten worse, he stands up and says:
"I still have to make my rounds, I"ll leave first." I say:
"The next time you come to see me, remember to put on the big white gown. I want to see how you look as a doctor." He nods his head, glancing at me, seeming a little reluctant to go, but still walks out the door in the end. The room is suddenly quiet. I lie on the headboard, and mull over "one that is never content", these words. I really can"t say that He ShuTing"s words are not true. I am young, rich, parents in good health, respected and admired by people. YuJiang is consistently fully absorbed in me, cherishing me tenderly, fearing that I may fall ill, fearing that I may die. After all is said and done, what else is there that is lacking? But ............ I sigh. I"m just not satisfied, insisting on getting that one little thing from YuJiang"s heart. It"s only because, only because of that one weak point that determines if I have everything. Let him deceive all the people in the world, but he can"t deceive me. I sigh heavily. Fine, let"s just say I"m never content. A person that is never content, as a general principle, is not really shameful.